The Two for One Affair Part 2
by April Dancer



Disclaimer
This is a work of amature fiction, no contravention of copyright is intended and no profit is made from this endeavour.


A/N: "The Secret Santa Affair"
By Agent April Dancer a.k.a. Cathryn L.V. Collins
Written 12/20/2002-1/18/2003
Beta read by Bonnie Erickson & Jason Edwards

This story started out as a gen story. But darn it all if it didn't insist on turning into a Slash .. lol.. So what can I say.. You guys are a bad influence on me.. Please keep up the good work!!

Pairing: Take a wild guess?? There is no sex...but you are gonna love the kissin' and cuddle scenes..

Feedback: Oh please... I need all the help I can get...lol..

Summery, It is Illya's 3rd. Christmas in New York. And this yr. Napoleon has decided to set out to discover once and for all just what his partner and now lover really does on Christmas Eve.

Archived: I would like to see these be put on the File 40 site if they will take them. And I have been asked if they could be added to Raven's Lair.. Please send me the url's so I can go look at them too..lol..

They will also be (as soon as possible) added to my TCCFO website. The Cosmic Companions Fandon Org. http://www.geocities.com/area51/stargate/5446

Acknowledgements: First, I want to thank my beta reader Bonnie.. She has been my first and only bets from the first part I wrote for our round-robins (Not So Urban Legend Affair) to this story.. Where I falter, she helps me back up.. Bonnie you have a heart of gold.. You are the best.. Many many thanks.. Hugs....

Second, to Deb.. For with out your gentle and constant encourigment I would not have found the couriage I so needed to finailly take the pludge and join in to the rr's. And thus this story would not have been writtin.. So thank you Deb for your loving support..

And thridly..To everyone on the MFUfin list.. To me your are all family and this list always feels like home..

So thus, this story is dedicated to all of you as well as to our beloved favorite agents & alll of UNCLE.. (Hey, it's real to me..g.) Please enjoy it....I enjoyed writting it for you....

And as always... To my sweeyheart Jason. Your not an M/GFU fan ..yet.. But you can shot my grammer and spelling glitches from a mile awat..lol.. I love you darling..


* * * * * * * *

"The Secret Santa Affair"

('This is a multi POV story')

~ ~ ~

Dec. 23rd......

"I don't understand Illya, You've always enjoyed spending Christmas day with me.. So why can't I talk you into spending Christmas Eve with me too.." Napoleon asked his blond friend and lover.. "So tell me please, just what do you do all alone in that tiny bleak apartment of yours, every Christmas Eve?" he added with just that small hint of pleading in his voice.. He knew better than to use just his natural gifts of charm on Illya..

"I Read, relax, I even might try catching up on some well needed and deserved sleep.. Considering just how little I can get while on our assignments.." Illya answered dryly from the report he was typing. "And you can't count all the time I tend to spend in UNCLE Medical."

Napoleon frowned. "Illyushka, Christmas Eve is meant to be spent with others. not alone. Please, come over and share Christmas eve with me.. We can have a enjoyable Christmas Eve dinner. Just you and me. Come on, what do you say."

Illya looked up from his work. "Napoleon, You know I appreciate your very kind offer to dine with you. And any other night would be fine, But I really do just want to spend it quietly at home .. alone." Illya said firmly. He gave his friend a gentle smile.. "Besides, I am sure you can find someone to spend Christmas eve with."

"I am sure I could find a 'someone'. But I'd rather spend it with my friend, and my one and only. Namely one Illya Nichovetch Kuryakin?. 'You' my beautiful one." Napoleon hoped he had finaily broken through Illya's iron resolve..

Illya's silent yet firm smile told Napoleon that the he had not and that the answer was still 'no'.

Napoleon had learned when to stop pushing.. Or Illya would and could take a poke at him.. despite the season of good will to men and all that.

Besides, this year Napoleon had thought about what he would do if his lovely Russian stayed true to his form....

He would just going to follow him..

~ ~ ~

This was the third year that Illya had declined his offer to spend Christmas eve with him.. His friend lived up well to his heritage. In other words, Illya was one stubborn Russian.

What did he do on Christmas eve alone.. True, Illya Kuryakin was a man that valued and guarded his privacy. But that had not stopped Napoleon from discovery on more than one occasion one of his friends many closely kept secrets..

Napoleon knew that this was another one he would unearth the truth about.. Illya had just been too firm in the way he had said 'no' on all 3 occasions.. Come this Christmas eve, he would follow his friend and just see where for himself see just how his Illyash really spent all those Eves.

* * *

In a flash, Napoleon was up and out of his chair, his coat and hat already in his hands. He had hidden them in the hollow area of his desk when Illya stepped out of the office to speak to another Agent.. He was out of the office and on Illya's trail.. He made very sure that his partner did not see him.. Which when trying to follow the Russian agent was never an easy feat..

He waited out of sight untill Illya had gone through the secret door into the tailor shop, then silently followed him into the shop..Napoleon quietly watched from behind a rack of suits as Mr. Del Floria handed Illya a rather large rectangular box. Was Illya buying a new suit? Napoleon didn't think so. His partner was not in the habit of buying new clothes very often. The old ones had to practically wear off of his body before he would break down and add to his wardrobe. And Illya already had six or seven now, Napoleon knew. Which for his thrifty friend, was a massive number..

No! Not a new suit.. So what was in the big box? His curiosity was growing..

Illya was saying good night to the tailor, He left the shop. Stealthily Solo followed.. It had snowed that day.. So keeping close to his friend was made that much easier.

There were a couple of cabs parked at the cab stand on the corner.. As Illya got into the front one, Napoleon quickly slipped in to the one behind..

Solo handed the driver a $20. "I want you to follow that cab, OK?"

The Cabby looked surprised. But he took the bill anyway.. "Sure Mack, whatever you say.." the man started the engine and waited for the guy in front to pull out..

When Illya's cab did. Napoleon's was right behind. Napoleon would come back later to pick up his own car. But this was a better method to follow his friend. Illya would have spotted his car in two seconds. Though it had been unplanned, this indeed was a far better method for surveillance.

~ ~ ~

Napoleon watched as Illya's cab moved steadily through the icy streets.. Wherever he was going? It wasn't home.. His cab was heading in the opposite direction from their apartment building..

About twenty minuets later, Illya's cab came to a stop.. Napoleon handed the cabby another $20 for the $5 fair.. "Thanks, and Merry Christmas..er.." he looked at the cabbie's licence, "Frank." Napoleon said as he exited the cab.. "

"Merry Christmas Mack...and happy New Year."

Frank shook his head as he watch the fark haired man move off to the follow the smaller blonde guy who had gotten out of the other cab.. "It's a strange world.. But what the hell, it's just Christmas in the Big Apple." he told himself aloud. He looked down at the two twenty dollar bills in is hand, than stuffed them into his shirt.. He threw off the break and pulled away from the curve.. He had made off of that fare more than he would the rest of the night. He reached up and turned on the "Off Duty" light.

He was calling it a day. Frank looked out at the falling snow..and smiled to himself.. "I'm goin' home."

~ ~ ~

Napoleon's curiosity had grown even more insatiable. Why had Illya come here? The man who loathed to be anywhere near UNCLE medical or any of the UNCLE medical staff, had taken a cab to The Sisters Of Mercy Hospital. Was he here to visit someone.? Maybe whatever was in the box was a Christmas or get well gift for that person? But why then would Illya not just tell him he was going to spend Christmas Eve with a sick friend..

The visiting a sick friend idea just didn't feel right. Illya was here for another purpose. Of that fact Napoleon was certain.

He followed his partner up to the 3rd floor.. He watched Illya go in to one of the rest rooms. Solo waited, hidden near by to see what would happen next.. this was getting more and more intriguing all the time.. And Napoleon did love a mystery.. But he loved solving them even more..

Napoleon watched as other gentlemen entered and exited the rest room.. It was about twenty minutes later when someone dressed as jolly old St. Nick came out. 'Strange' Napoleon thought.. 'I don't remember seeing you go in there Santa..' Solo had a very strong hunch that he better follow the Saint.

Santa made his way down the long hallway. He stopped at the Nurse's station, warmly greeting the three nurses on duty there. Unfortunately, Napoleon had to stay back so as not to be noticed, and this meant he couldn't hear what the Jolly Old Elf was saying. Two of them walked with him down the rest of the hallway. They stopped at a closet. Santa went inside and reappeared a minute or two later with a very large red sack..

Napoleon watched as Santa heaved the huge sack up and over his lift shoulder.. 'That thing must weigh a ton.' Solo thought..

Next, Santa and the 2 very pretty nurse's walked down another long hallway to a set of large double doors. Napoleon read the sign next to doors. "CHILDREN'S WARD G"

Napoleon managed to quietly maneuver very close behind them, many parts of the hallway were dimly lit. He stood watching in the shadows some two yards or so behind them. One of the nurse's went into the ward first. Napoleon could hear her talking to the children through the doors being kept ajar by Santa's white gloved hand..

"Children, I have a surprise for you.. Santa is here.. Are you all ready to greet him?"

Napoleon could hear the sounds of laughing youngsters from inside the ward..

"YES!" came a chorus of happy voices..

He watched as Santa burst through the door.. Ho Ho Ho'ing all the way in.. "HO! HO! HO! Happy Christmas everyone.. Have you all been good little girls and boys this year??"

'Yes Santa's' came from nearly all the delighted tikes.

It was a typical Santa Clause phrase, But Solo could still hear with little difficulty, the European 'Happy Christmas, that definite accent an all too familiar voice only slightly muffed under the thick snowy beard..

This particular jolly old St. Nicholas was his best friend, partner and lover, Illya Nickovetch Kuryakin..

"So Illyushka, this is what you do on Christmas Eve." Solo said softly, smiling to himself. "You old soft hearted Russian you.. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes.."

The other nurse turned as he spoke. She had not followed Santa/Illya in to the ward. "Are you a friend of Mr. Kuryakin's?" she asked.

Napoleon smiled pleasantly at the young nurse.

"Yes. But he doesn't know that I'm here. So do be an angel won't you, and please, don't say you saw me here OK?" he replied, giving her one of his disarming Napoleon Solo smiles.

"Sure.." she answered him with a smile of her own...

Solo was glad to see his charm still worked.

Napoleon looked on as dear old St Illya was busy with handing out the gifts that were in the enormous red sack he had carried into the ward.. It was a delightful scene..

"Is this his first time?" Napoleon asked.

"Oh no, he his played Santa for the kids before.." she replied.

"This is the third time.. The children really adore him.."

"Really.."

"Yes. These children live here.. so they all know him."

"They live here?? Why? What's wrong with them??" Napoleon asked..

He watched as the pretty young nurse bowed her head a bit. Her smile had grown a little less bright.. "All these children have very serious illnesses or injuries, some of them might not ever have a real life outside of this hospital. And some of these children .. are dying." Her smile grew sad..

Napoleon felt a soft lump in his throat..

Napoleon Solo had been trained to maim and or kill another person if and when the need arose..he could walk away untouched. He could even witness the death of an innocent bystander with out letting the situation get to him emotionally. Such things could and did happen in his line of work.. It was part and parcel of his and Illya's chosen profession..

But to have to watch a child's suffering, that's when the agent turned back in to the man.. And the man could feel the pain and anguish inside..

And knowing what he did about Illya's secretive background, Napoleon could well understand his partners motivation for want and need to don the big man's red suit.

And Illya played the part of the beloved old Saint so very well,

The nurse had continued talking.. "Mr. Kuryakin has stepped in to help pay for some of the treatments for one or two of the most seriously ill children.. Do you see the little girl sitting over there on that bed?" she pointed to a little golden haired child who could not be more than five years old.

"The little golden haired girl... Right?" Solo asked looking where the nurse had directed.

"Yes, that is Emily Tagert. She was here when Mr. Kuryakin first came to play Santa for the children.. She had just turned two years old then.."

Solo had guest correctly the child's age...

"She and her parents were in a terrible car crash. She survived. But they were both killed instantly. She was very badly hurt.. Her Grandfather, Peter, is the only family she had left. And he couldn't afford to pay for all the physical therapy she needed. Mr Kuryakin stepped in and paid for it. Our little Emily still can't walk without her braces and crutches, but thanks to Mr. Kuryakin, she isn't confined to a wheelchair anymore."

Napoleon watched as Illya walked over to Emily's bed. The Russian knelt down and handed the beautiful little girl an equally beautiful doll. The sweet smile Emily gave to his partner was warm enough to melt the coldest winter snow.

UNCLE's own Ice Prince was hers.

"I have the feeling that Mr. Kuryakin is the one who bought that doll for her."

The young nurse's smile had returned.. "He buys all her gifts himself, every year. He even remembers her birthdays and visits her when ever he can. She adores him.. Peter is her Grandfather.. But she calls him papa.."

Napoleon stood watching the sweetly sentimental scene in front of him for a minute or two longer... his lover and the adorable Emily. He turned slowly to leave.. He had found out what he wanted to know..and far far more.. It was time to leave Illya to his saintly task.

He looked back at the pretty young nurse.. "Mr. Kuryakin is a very good man."

"Yes, he is."

"Indeed.."

~ ~ ~

Napoleon walked out of the Sisters Of Mercy Hospital feeling very warm inside and happy.. His partner never failed to amaze him.. The Ice Prince of UNCLE had a heart of pure gold..

What, he thought to himself, would Mark and April think if they could have seen UNCLE's own secret Santa with that sweet little Emily.. And how Uncle Alex would have been impressed and proud. Though the old man would not be likely to admit it..

It just made him love his little Russian all the more..

* * *

Dec. 25th.. Christmas day...

The delicious aroma of roasting goose fulled the spacious penthouse. Napoleon was busily moving about in the large kitchen, the sweet smells of yams simmering in honey and homemade biscuits were gently mingling with the cooking bird. A freshly made pumpkin pie lay nearby on the counter waiting to be slipped it to the hot oven after the bird was removed..

It was going to be a fabulous feast for the two of them..

Napoleon had started cooking around eight that morning. It was now just a little after one in the afternoon..

Illya was in the living room, stretched out on the sofa he regularly used for that purpose..

He'd shown up around ten offering to help with the cooking. He was told that there was really nothing for him to do. Napoleon told him to take off his shoes, sit back and relax. Illya frowned at being almost ordered to go and relax..

"You can help later.. I promise.. But for now partner.. just go and relax.. Will ya. Please.?"

It had taken quite a few very long kisses to convince the stubborn agent to retire to the sofa.

~ ~ ~

"Are you sure you don't want any help Napoleon??" Illya asked for the seventh or was it the eighth time from the sofa where he had been laying for the past two and a half hours..

Napoleon shook his head and walked away from the stove.. he popped his head out of the kitchen door and looked at his impatient lover.. "Would you just please relax partner.. I told you that you can start fixing and tossing the salad when the bird is almost ready to come out.. And that won't be for another thirty minutes or so." he told the bored blond.

"I just feel I should be helping more.. You've been doing all the cooking. And what am I going to do?? Toss salad.."

"OK," giving in to his friend. "You want to be of help?"

"Da.." Illya said sitting up, then he stood up to stretch and yawned.

"Then pour us some drinks.. I can use one about now.. And you can too." Napole stepped back into the kitchen and back to the stove.

"Humpf." answered Illya sounding not too amused, but he walked over to the bar and started fixing the drinks anyway..

"So how was your Christmas Eve?" Napoleon called out from the kitchen. He of course already knew what his lover had been up too the night before..

"Very well, thank you. And yours??"

"Oh, I decided to just go home after I finished the paperwork." Napoleon answered nonchalantly. Of course he hadn't gone back to the office, and the papaerwork he had lift unfinished was still sitting on his desk.. Napoleon groaned inwardly...

Illya raised an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you just call up one of the many lovely ladies you know and go out. Didn't you just tell me the other day that a person shouldn't be \alone on Christmas eve..?" Illya asked sounding slightly amused..

He knew how much his lover had wanted to spend Christmas Eve with him. And Illya would not have been jealous if he had rung up one of his old ladyfriends.. Not very jealous- well, just a little. After all, did he not knew he owned Napoleon's heart.

"Ouch!.." Napoleon yelped from the kitchen The cry of pain had had less to do with Illya's light-hearted chiding than the scorching hot saucepan he had just burned his fingers on.

"Are you all right polya?" Illya asked as he walked into the kitchen with their drinks in hand..

Napoleon was holding his injured hand protectively. "If only my mother were here to kiss them and make them better for me." Napoleon answered amusingly as he looked over at Illya..

Illya saw the redden skin on three of his friend's fingers.. "I am not your mother, but.."

Laying the drinks on the table, Illya walked over and led the American to the dish filled sink. He turned on the cold water and gently began bathing Napoleon's figures in the soothing liquid. Turning the tap off he dried Napoleon's hand equally gently. The reddness, like the pain, had gone away. Still holding Napoleon's hand, he lightly kisses each digit slowly and thoughtfully.

"Thank you, dear mother." Napoleon said softly as he looked at his lover transfixed

Illya released his hand, walked back to the table to retrieve the drinks.. He came back and handed Napoleon his, he smiled at his torarvish as he clicked their glasses. "Your welcome..dear son."

After taking a long sip from his glass. he stopped near to Napoleon and leaned forword. Allowing their lips to meat. The kiss was tender and lingering..

The kiss ended.

Napoleon closed his eyes. He took in a long slow breath.. still savoring his lover's kiss.

But it was time to get back to the goose..

Napoleon bent down and peered into the hot oven..

"Well, looks like the goose is almost done.. It took less time than I thought it would.. Ah, it looks like you can start working on the salad now.."

Putting his empty glass a side.. Illya turned back to face Napoleon.. "Good, about time I was doing something useful around here." Illya answered as he started to make a bit more space to work on the counter.

Napoleon looked at the fingers he had scorched.. "I would say you have already been very useful Illyash" he told the enchanting Russian..

The blonde turned for a moment from his self-appointed task.. he stole one more quick kiss..

"Later polya.. Now we eat, we play .. later.."

A blissful smile of anticipation floated a cross Napoloen's face.. "OK... So let's get to the feast."

~ ~ ~

The snow had started falling outside again as the low sounds of softly playing carols came from the stereo. It was early evening..

Illya had insisted on washing the dishes as well as putting them away after they had dried.. To get his way, he had resorted to threatening Napoleon that if he was not allowed to help, he would make Napoleon do all the paperwork for a month..

Napoleon had been subdued by the mere thought of all the endless reports and forms..

Now the two men were laying snuggled up on the Oriental rug in front of the fireplace drinking Napoleon's special homemade eggnog and talking..

"The kitchen hasn't looked that clean in a month." Napoleon commented over his glass as he sat looking into Illya's soft blue eyes.. .

"That is because I cleaned it on Thanksgiving too" Illya said as he took another long drink of his third cup of nog..

He brushed a kiss over Napoleon's lips.. "If you remember Polya, I threatened you with the paperwork then too."

"You can be so evil to me Illyushka."

"I know." Illya said grinning. He kissed his American lover again.

Napoleon laughed.. "You're better than my cleaning lady, If you ever want the job...."

"No thank you, I am already gainfully employed as a spy."

"And what a fine spy you are my love."

Another, longer kiss..

Setting his eggnog a side, he drew the blond into an embrace. He heard Illya sigh, and then the younger man closed his eyes and cuddled closer to him. This was bliss..

They layed there for over an hour just holding, kissing and caressing each other.. Lost in the warmth coming from the slowly burning fire and their own two bodies..

~ ~ ~

Illya was sitting in the sofa.. Another glass of Napoleon's eggnog in his hand.. Napoleon was beside him..

"You should go easy on that stuff 'Lyusha. It is spiked with your brand of vodka and you have already had enough for six thirsty Russians twice your size.. You might not make it home tonight.."

"And who said I was going to go home??" Illya asked in an amused and relaxed voice..

Napoleon smiled.. "No one my Illyash.. You can stay forever..."

Illya set his glass down, slipped his hand into a pocket of his pants.. "Napoleon, I have something you lost last night, and clearly you don't know yet that you've lost it last night.." Illya said slyly. "Oh what would Mr. Waverly say tovarish.!? he added with a secretive grin.

"What? Where? At the office..?" Napoleon was genuinely puzzled..

Had Illya gone back to UNCLE after his Saintly exploits for the children .. and dear sweet Emily

Illya was still smiling at his baffled lover..

"No." he said evenly. "You really must try not to be so careless in the future tovarish. I may not give it back to you next time." he added teasingly.

Napoleon was looking bewildered.. "Alright, my love, I give.. What did I loose it..?"

Illya drew his hand out slowly, his eyes never leaving Napoleon's. Napoleon saw something long and metallic.

Naopleon immediately recognized it. "Um... where did you fine it?"

"Nancy said that you had dropped it.. She found it a few minutes after you left.." Illya said as he held Napoleon's communicator up so he could see it clearly. He made no attempt to hand it to him.

"Nancy?? Nancy Fowler from the lab? But I haven't been to the lab in over a week.. And I know I had my communicator yesterday.." Napoleon said trying to think where in the hell he could have left it.

"NO.. This Nancy is a sweet and pretty young nurse.." Illya replied. "At the Sisters of Mercy Children's Hospital." he added tauntingly..

Napoleon's eyes widened in surprise.. he knew that he had been ratted out.. the game was up. 'You just can't trust a pretty face anymore, can you, old man" he thought to himself half amused..

"Oh. Ah.... that was her name.. Um..I.. didn't look at her name tag.." He felt a little warm. "You mad at me for following you? I kind of recall you threatening to do something particularity uncomfortable and painful to me if I tried spying on you again.."

Illya watched as Napoleon grimaced.

"Nyet... not this time." said his lover as he wiggled the pen back and forth, than slipped it back into his pocket. "It's Christmas after all tovarish. And, I can think of far more interesting and entertaining things to do to you.." he said with a wicked smile.

"Really? Like what.?" Napoleon asked trying not to sound too eager to find out just what 'fun' ideas his little Russian had in mind..

Illya slowly got up from the soda and taking his dark lovers hand...started leading-pulling him towards the bedroom.. "Come lyubov. It's time to play..."

Napoleon followed his lover obediently...

~finis~


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