A red faced devil with pointed horns greeted Illya at Napoleon's apartment. "Beware the peril that lurks within," it intoned in a sepulchral voice.

Illya sighed resignedly, "Really, Napoleon. Are you not a little old to be dressing up in costumes...at least when *not* on duty?"

The devil mask was pulled off and Napoleon smiled at Illya. "Come on Tovarish, where's your Halloween spirit?"

"The only Halloween spirit I want is the chilled glass of Vodka that I trust you have waiting for me," said Illya as he walked past Napoleon into the apartment, throwing his coat on the hall table as he went past. He stopped abruptly as he came to the living room. "I see you have been shopping."

Napoleon came up behind Illya, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Illya's shoulder. "Uh-huh. There's an antique shop just down the block. First time I've gone in there and this was just there in front of me...I just had to have it." He licked Illya's ear. "Just like when I saw *you* for the first time."

'This' was a three-seater couch, which was currently in the center of Napoleon's living room, all other furniture having been pushed aside to make room for it. Taller and deeper than a traditional couch, it had deep cushions and was covered completely in velvet so black that it seemed to suck the light from the surrounding area. It was the type of couch that just begged for somebody to sit down and lose themselves in its comforting embrace.

"Mmm," said Illya. "And did it prove just as much of a challenge to your charms?"

Napoleon kissed the side of Illya's neck enjoying the way Illya shivered with pleasure. "Well it was almost as stubborn as you are." He kissed the back of Illya's neck, just below the hairline. "And I think I learnt a few new words from the men who delivered it. One of them even cut his hand trying to maneuver it in through the doorway." By now Napoleon's hands had joined in the action and were sliding up Illya's body. "I thought that maybe we could test it out tonight. What do you think, hmm?"

Illya rubbed his body back against Napoleon, even as he kept his eyes on the new piece of furniture. Most couches, even if they were long enough, were too narrow for comfort...especially for the type of activity that he and Napoleon enjoyed indulging in...but this one...hmm. "I think it has definite 'possibilities'..." Twisting in Napoleon's grasp he turned to face him, taking his head in both hands and kissing him on the lips. "I'm hungry."

"Me too," said Napoleon, pulling Illya close.

"Uh-uh," said Illya, breaking free. "I mean I'm hungry...feed me first, otherwise I may not have the strength to test out your new acquisition."

Napoleon mock grimaced, but knew better than to come between Illya and his appetite. "Okay, okay." He pushed Illya towards the couch saying, "You wait here, I'll be back in a minute," before heading towards the kitchen.

Alone with the couch, Illya walked all around it, taking in every detail of its smooth lines. Running his hand along the back, he nodded approvingly at the soft textures. Yes, this wood indeed be much more comfortable than the battered old relic that was now pushed into a corner awaiting disposal. Less chance of falling off at an inopportune moment. Sitting down on the cushions, Illya relaxed into it. Closing his eyes, he almost felt like he was floating.

"Illya, it'll be ready in five minutes if you want to put on some music?" Napoleon's voice from the kitchen startled him and he sat up quickly, feeling some loose change slide out of his pocket as he did so. One of the coins landed on the cushions, the other slid down the gap between the seat and the back. Illya swore mildly under his breath as he stuck his hand down the gap to retrieve it. He had to dig down a considerable way to find it, and came up with an empty packet of cigarettes, an earring, and a ladies comb, before his hand finally closed on a coin shaped object. It was only when he tried to pull his hand out that he realized it was stuck.

Illya swore a little less mildly as he tried to pull his arm out.

"Hey, what's up?" he heard Napoleon ask, and he turned a withering gaze on him.

"What does it *look* like?" he asked, icily. "My hand is stuck. A coin slid into the gap...I was trying to retrieve it...and I appear to be stuck."

"Have you tried letting go of the coin?" This earned Napoleon another withering gaze. "Okay, okay. Here, let me help." Napoleon moved over to the couch and sat down behind Illya. "Okay, on the count of three, we both pull." Wrapping his arms around Illya's waist, he said, "One...two...THREE!"

Illya yelped in pain, as his arm remained trapped. "It's not working."

"Maybe we should get some lube."

"I hardly think that this is the time, Napoleon," snapped Illya.

"I meant for your arm," said Napoleon patiently. "Although I have to admit...seeing you there, all bent over like that and not able to move...hmm, it has certain...possibilities..."

"Napoleon! My arm is starting to go numb!"

"Okay, okay. We'll try it again." Napoleon took a tighter grip on Illya's waist and braced himself against the floor. "One...two...THREE!" Gritting his teeth, he pulled as hard as he could. There was a loud sucking noise, and Illya's arm popped free. He lay back in Napoleon's arms for a few seconds, breathing heavily, before wriggling free and standing up.

"I'm starting to dislike that couch," he growled. "It didn't want to let me go."

"Can't say I blame it Tovarish," grinned Napoleon, stretching out comfortably. He patted the seat beside him. "Come on back here. It's getting kind of lonesome."

"No," said Illya. "I prefer your other couch. It didn't steal my money."

"Illya...it's just a piece of furniture...and a mighty comfortable piece of furniture at that." Illya remained standing stubbornly. "Okay, I'll get your money back."

"No!" said Illya, but Napoleon had already thrust his hand down the gap at the back of the couch. He felt around for a while before saying, "Ah, got it...uh-oh..."

"What's wrong?" asked Illya.

"AgggghhhH!!!!" screamed Napoleon. "Illya, it's got me...help me!"

"Napoleon!" cried Illya, rushing forward, only to stop when Napoleon turned to him and grinned evilly.

"Gotcha!" he said smugly. "I told you it was just a couch."

"You...you..." Illya couldn't think of a suitable expletive. "That was not funny." He stepped back a few paces, glaring at Napoleon.

"Oh come on Illya, it was too," grinned Napoleon. "I mean, come on. It's a couch...an inanimate piece of furniture. It's not as if it's suddenly going to open up and swallow me..." He started to pull his arm out, but the words were hardly out of his mouth before the gap at the back suddenly got larger and sucked his entire body straight into it. There was barely time for him to yell a muffled "ILLYA!" before he disappeared completely.

"Napoleon!" yelled Illya for a second time. Instinctively he ran towards the couch and dove into the gap at the back just seconds before it closed up completely.

-------------------