//Step 1: Poke the alleged corpse with a sharp stick or rod.//

"There's a body down in the ravine..." Illya observed, craning his neck. "I can't tell who, but it's a body. I'd better go--"

"We have the kids along for a reason, Illya." Napoleon smiled softly. "Why don't you let them do the grunt work?"

Ilyana bristed at the word 'kids', but scrabbled down to the bottom of the ravine anyway. Montgomery skittered behind her, trying to avoid losing his footing.

"It's a man." She said. "I think dead. I could check for--"

Montgomery picked up a stick from the ground, holding an arm out. "Wait. Don't get too close yet, he might be playing possum."

Up at the top, Napoleon placed his arm around Illya's waist loosely.

"See? They come in handy, don't they?"

"I suppose they do need to learn." He begrudged, relaxing into the touch in spite of himself. "I could have done it."

"Of course. Because you managed to spend the last twenty years not aging."

The man in the ravine didn't move.

//Step 2: Check for breathing.//

When the man didn't move, Ilyana knelt down, taking something from the

pouch slung around her waist.

"What's that?" Montgomery leaned over her shoulder, and she hunched further, blocking him.

"It's a mirror." She answered tersely, holding it just above the mouth and nose.

They spent the next three minutes in silence. It was hard to start a conversation when you were huddled around a body you found in the ditch.

Up at the top:

"So is he dead or isn't he?" Napoleon sighed, checking his watch.

"They are being thorough." Illya elbowed his partner, continuing to watch the young agents approvingly. "This is good. I still don't know that I would partner them in the field..."

"It'll work." Napoleon reassured, squeezing his lover gently.

Back down in the ravine, Ilyana pocketed her mirror. No fog had gathered.

//Step 3: Check for a pulse.//

"You do it." She stepped away from the body.

"D--do-- Do what?" He asked, suddenly taken aback.

"Check his pulse. On the throat." She indicated the spot, using her own as an example.

Montgomery Stratford reached out tentatively.

"Not on me, you idiot, on the corpse."

"If you're so sure he's a corpse, why am I even--"

"If he's not now, he will be by the time we've done with him." She rolled her eyes. "I am absolutely certain that this is some sort of test. At least, now it is, even if it wasn't planned."

"W-- Why am I d--doing it?"

"Because I checked for breathing. You're not afraid, are you?" Her last question was delivered in a mocking tone.

He knelt down, searching for a pulse on the man's throat. He couldn't find one.

//Step 4: Check for pupil reaction to light.//

Montgomery held the lid back as she shone a small penlight in the eyes. First one, then the other. Nothing.

He sighed, wondering how it is he always got stuck with the task that required actually touching the body.

Above the ravine, Napoleon managed to draw Illya's attention away from the scene going on below.

"So what are we going to do about it?"

"I suppose we'll use the communicators to talk to HQ. We can tell them where the body is, and the proper authorities will be notified." He shrugged.

"Mm." He nodded, leaning just a little closer. "What would I do without you?"

"You'd never've gotten this far, I can tell you that much."

"You know, your hair is still the same color as the autumn fields up here... and your eyes are the same blue as the sky..."

"Not in front of the children, dear." A wry smile quirked Illya's lips, and he nevertheless allowed one kiss to be stolen.

//Step 5: Check for blinking.//

"I'm not doing it." Montgomery stood, stepping back from the corpse. "I held the eyes open for you, but I am most definitely not going to touch the eyeball to see if he blinks."

"You don't have to do it with your hand." She sighed. "A stick or a leaf would work."

"Look, 'Yana, he's dead. And if he isn't, there's really still nothing we can do for him. He'd still be dead by the time he could be taken somewhere."

"It is procedure." She countered.

"Procedure isn't everything." He shrugged, heading back towards the slope of the ravine.

And overlooking the tableau...

"They are arguing." Illya stated calmly.

"They haven't come to blows yet." Napoleon replied glibly, rocking back on his heels and forward onto the balls of his feet.

"You expect them to be a team... I don't know how you expect this, but somehow you do." He shook his head, bewildered. The two junior agents-- not yet on active field duty-- continued to bicker below.

//Step 6: Check for a gag reflex.//

"At least take the stick and poke the back of his throat with it."

"What? That's sick!"

"To see if he gags. If he gags, he is not yet dead."

"Why am I doing it?"

"Your stick." She shrugged, looking at him coolly.

He started up the ravine again. "He's dead."

With another small shrug, she followed.

"They'll pull together. They'll be the perfect team." Napoleon whispered reassuringly.

"We're going to need a perfect--" Illya stopped short when the topic of their conversation reached the top. "Yes?"

"Dead." Ilyana said, her face blank.

Montgomery paled suddenly, swooning against a nearby tree.

"Stratford!" She took a step towards him.

"I'm fine..." He smiled weakly. "That's just the first time I'd found a dead body. I don't think I ever saw one before it, really."

She placed a pitying but kind hand on his shoulder. "The first time I saw a dead body, I vomited."

Napoleon looked over to Illya.

"Maybe." He ceded. "But I am still not sure."