//Old Man Sunshine, listen you Never tell me dreams come true Just try it And I'll start a riot//

I give up. He doesn't want me, and he never will. Sometimes I feel like maybe he might, but that's just me seeing what I want to see. We're partners, and just because that makes us closer than brothers by blood, it doesn't mean he's ever going to fall in love with me, and it hurts too much to hope. Sure, he was glad to see me, after all, he did think I was dead, but so was everyone else. It doesn't mean Illya loves me the way I'm too stubborn to stop loving him.

//Beatrix Fairfax, don't you dare Ever tell me he will care I'm certain It's the final curtain//

If he knew how I felt, our partnership would be over now. I thought it was over, anyway. I thought he had died, that I had lost him, without ever telling him how much he means to me. But now that I have him back, I still can't tell him, because I would lose his friendship, and I don't know how I could live with myself if I did anything to damage what I do have with him.

//I never want to hear from any Cheerful Pollyannas Who tell you fate Provides a mate It's all bananas//

I should just pretend not to need him so much, pretend I don't see him. Should just pretend I can be happy with about a million girls, instead of loving one man I can't ever have. I should just content myself with that. I'm resigned to it, and I'm a passable actor, but I'm not content. I don't know if I'll ever be content with anything less than him. Why do I have to screw up my life wanting what I can't have? Am I crazy, is that what the problem is?

//They're writing songs of love But not for me Are lucky stars above But not for me With love to lead the way, I've found more skies of grey Than any Russian play Could guarantee//

Napoleon is flirting with all of the girls from the office now. He's not even looking at me. I should just forget about him, I would if I was smart. He will never serenade me, or take my hand between his. He is the lucky one in our partnership. He gets the girls, and I develop a jealous ulcer watching. I don't know why the west has such a romantic view of romance, in their films, music, even their advertisements. I am in love, and I am horrendously miserable.

//I was a fool To fall and get that way Hi-ho, alas, and also lackaday Although I can't dismiss, The memory of his kiss I guess it's not for me//

Curse him! No, it's not like he knows. It's not like I give any indication that he could hurt me so much with such a little thing. I shouldn't even think about it. After all, he thought I was dead. It was just a brotherly, European-style kiss on the cheek, and I shouldn't read anything into it. But I can't help wishing I had turned my head just a little at the last second...

//It all began so well Ah, but what an end This is a time a fella needs a friend When every happy plot Ends in a marriage knot I guess it's not for me//

I hate myself. Well, perhaps it's not so bad as all that, but... I was too emotional, and almost even more emotional than that. Luckily, he was understanding. After all, he did come back from the 'dead', my embrace could be overlooked as that of any relieved partner. He never needs to know that I want more than just his friendship. I'll never get more than his friendship, and asking for it could lose me what I have. I could have ended our partnership and my life, if I hadn't caught myself when I did.

//I guess he's not No really not I guess he's not the guy for me//

This page is an unofficial site that exists only for the fun of it. All characters and situations from the television show "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." are property of Norman Felton and Warner Bros. Nothing ill is intended by this use of any television characters in these amateur efforts. Any fiction linked to these pages is the intellectual property of the amateur author who created it and is not presented here for profit.