//I was lost, but you were found And I never knew how far down I was falling Before I reached The bottom//

Something in you redeemed something in me. I had loved before, and lost, and was afraid of loving again. So I didn't. I built up a facade, and I didn't let myself feel for anyone, because I didn't want to get hurt again. But I never thought to guard myself against you, and you got under my radar. And the next thing I knew, I was in love with you. Madly.

//I was cold and you were fire And I never knew how the pyre could be burning On the edge Of the ice field//

I was always afraid to love. I had seen love before, and it always brought pain. Once, when I was a young man, it must have been while I was in the Navy, I saw a friend of mine dragged away, taken from his home. His lover, too. They were not even allowed to touch. After that night, no one saw or heard from them again. They had been in love, and it got them killed. I vowed then and there not to love, but you made me. You were all the things I was not myself and had never known, and I couldn't help but be drawn to you.

//And now the chilly California wind Is blowing down our bodies again And we're sinking deeper and deeper in the Chilly California sand Oh, I know you belong Inside my aching heart And can't you see my faded Levis Bursting apart//

So I guess I resigned myself to it, after some long, hard thinking. After all, if I loved you, I loved you. And I did, more each day. And being apart from you felt like freezing, and being near you felt like drowning, and it hurt not to touch you, and it hurt to touch you without having you, and at night I dreamed about you. I would wake up drenched in sweat. Some nights it was more than sweat.

//And don't you hear me crying Oh babe, don't go And don't you hear me screaming How was I to know?//

I tried to hate you for making me love you. It doesn't work that way. I woke up with your name on my lips-- nightmares, most often, not the erotic dreams that one thinks ought to accompany feelings of romantic infatuation. Dreams where I was finally able to hold you in my arms, only to have them take you from me. Disappeared. Because of me.

//I'm in the middle of nowhere, near the end of the line But there's a border to somewhere waiting And there's a tankful of time Oh, give me just another moment To see the light of day And take me to another land where I don't have to stay//

I felt abandoned for so long, and after that, I felt stranded, unab;e to love again, but you pulled me out of that. Every time we're together, I feel like I'm on the edge of a paradise I never quite get into, and every time you have to go, I wish there was some way I could keep you longer, just a little. I'm either incredibly romantic or incredibly pathetic. I'd like to say romantic, but the truth is, I feel pathetic.

//And I'm going to need somebody to make me feel like you do And I will recieve somebody with open arms Open eyes Open up the skies and let the planet that I love shine through//

You made me feel human, which I wasn't terribly used to. You made me feel more than just human, to which I was entirely unaccustomed. No one else had made me special, but when you called me a friend, I was on top of the world, sad as that sounds. I don't expect you to give yourself to me. I'm not going to ask you to. But if there could be someone out there like you, with your eyes and your smile, someone who would see past what I am, look at *who* I am... maybe it would be enough.

//For crying out loud, you know I love you For crying out loud, you know I love you For crying out loud, you know I love you...//

I want to shout it from the rooftops. I wish I could, but there are a million reasons why I can't, starting with the fact that I'd probably be arrested. Then there's the risk to both of us if anyone knew, the risk of losing my career, the risk of losing your friendship... I want to shout it from the rooftops, and I can't even whisper it in the dressing stall.

//I was lost, but you were saved And I never knew how enslaved I was kneeling In the chains Of my master//

I don't know what would become of me if I didn't have you. The countless times you have saved me-- I know I've saved your life as well, but you've done so much more for me. You've saved my soul, if such a thing exists. And because I owe you so much, and because I love you so much, I get the unnerving feeling that I would do anything and go anywhere, even if I didn't like it. Quite frequently, I don't like it.

//I could laugh, oh but you could cry And I never knew just how high I was flying Oh with you Right above me//

We're not so different, you and I. Sure, it seems that way to everyone, but if you look at us, we're alike in a lot of ways, too. Our differences are more complimentary than anything else. It's like we were made to fit. And if I have to carry you some days, I won't complain, because you've carried me. Maybe being your partner is enough. Hey, a guy can dream, anyway.

//And now the chilly California wind Is blowing down our bodies again And we're sinking deeper and deeper in the Chilly California sand Oh I know you belong Inside my aching heart And can't you see my faded Levis Bursting apart//

The thought of your lips occupies more and more of my time. Last night we were watching some terrible sappy movie on television, with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr. The film was awful, and I'd still take Melvyn Douglas and Greta Garbo over them any day. I like older movies, anyway. But there was a scene in the one we watched, the lovemaking scene. And I couldn't help thinking of you...

//And don't you hear me crying Oh babe, don't go And don't you hear me screaming How was I to know?//

If I ever lost you, I don't know what I'd do. I seem to have a morbid little fascination with the subject, though. I tend to think about it in the wee small hours of the morning. Usually it ends in suicide. Overly dramatic, perhaps, but flights of fancy know no bounds. I probably wouldn't really, I'm not the suicidal type, but in the sleepless fantasies, that's how it goes.

//I'm in the middle of nowhere, near the end of the line But there's a border to somewhere waiting And there's a tankful of time Oh give me just another moment to see the light of the day And take me to another land where I don't have to stay//

If it wan't for you, I might be back there, you know. I don't know what would happen to me if that were the case... I can only assume it would be bad. I've been with you so long, it seems like that was another life. And then I remember, and it all seems frighteningly close. You never escape some scars, and mine have this tendency to not let you leave. I found freedom, and I didn't understand it, or really believe it. I found you, and suddenly it was all so clear.

//And I'm gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do And I will recieve somebody with open arms Open eyes Open up the skies, let the planet that I love shine through//

Sometimes when you look at me, or I hear your voice, I feel somewhere between drunk and crazy, and I know I'm not either. I wonder if you have any idea how beautiful you are, or how sometimes, when your voice comes out low and just a little breathy, you make me nuts.

//For crying out loud, you know I love you For crying out loud, you know I love you Woah, for crying out loud, you know I love you For crying out loud, you know I love you...//

When I realized how much I needed you-- loved you-- I spent the next half hour ranting and swearing, mostly in Russian. How could I be so-- so foolish? Falling in love with my partner... there are rules. But I have said before and will say again that it cannot be helped. I may never tell you directly, but I suppose that someday you will know that I love you.

//For taking in the rain when I'm feeling so dry For giving me the answers when I'm asking you why And my oh my, for that I thank you//

You are my partner. Really, I can't think of any better person to fall in love with. Oh, sure, it's probably against several regulations, but you're my partner. You take care of me if I'm hurt, and I do the same for you. You know the things I don't, so that we're never completely clueless. We compliment each other. And maybe you ought to know that you're the best partner I could ever ask for.

//For coming to my room when you know I'm alone For finding me a highway and for driving me home And you gotta know, for that I serve you//

How could I not love you? How could I not be and do all that you ask of me? You were the one to pull me out of myself, to rescue me all the many, many times I have been captured. Quite frequently injured as well, but you always got me out of the hospital, and nursed me back to health when I let you. And for being all that you are, you own my soul, freely given. I could deny you nothing.

//For pulling me away when I'm starting to fall For revving me up when I'm starting to stall And all in all, for that I want you//

You've saved my life. Just as importantly, you gave a part of my life that was lost back to me. I never told you about that, because to do so, I would have to admit the way I feel. I somehow doubt that you could feel the same way, but I can live with that, really. As long as you care about me, you don't have to be in love with me, or want me physically. Honest. I'll settle for your friendship. It's still the best relationship I've ever had.

//For taking and for giving and for playing the game For praying for my future in the days that remain Woah-oh, for that I hold you//

You mean so much more to me than anyone else has ever meant, or ever could. The way you're there when I need you, and the way you need me. Your wit, your charm, the easy back and forth that has sprung up between us, the way we work together without words. Because since the age of three, you have been the only person who cared for me, and about what happens to me. And so you will always keep your place in my heart.

//Oh, but most of all For crying out loud, for that I love you Oh, but most of all For crying out loud, for that I love you Oh, but most of all, For crying out loud, for that I love you...//

Napoleon looked over to Illya.

Illya looked back to Napoleon.

No words were spoken, no grand gestures made. Just the very slight lifting of a hand to brush a cheek. And then it was gone, dropped back into place at its owner's side. They would wait until after the job was done, if they made it. They would speak after it was over, a promise oft made, and oft broken. Now, there was no time.

//When you're crying out loud, You know I love you//

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This page is an unofficial site that exists only for the fun of it. All characters and situations from the television show "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." are property of Norman Felton and Warner Bros. Nothing ill is intended by this use of any television characters in these amateur efforts. Any fiction linked to these pages is the intellectual property of the amateur author who created it and is not presented here for profit.