Murphy woke. It was not a pleasant feeling as he surveyed his limited surroundings again. His head was foggy and he perceived the pain that throbbed through his cold body now as nothing more than a minor irritation. A tiny rational part of his brain knew he had slipped into shock from his injuries which meant they were worse than he realised. He somehow thought that didn’t seem to matter greatly as he pushed himself upright. Something was wrong. Something was different.

Free.

The word crashed through his mind trying to make the connection.

Free.

There it was again and gathering his failing strength he pushed the hair back out of his eyes.

“My hands are free. I’m no longer bound.” The sound of his own voice, comforted his already raw nerves.

Immediately suspicious, Murphy shook his head to clear away the last of the lethargy and found that his movement was limited.

“Drugs,” he said softly to the darkness. “I’ve been drugged, that’s why it doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s why I’m untied.”

“Very good.” Again the voice of his captor rang in his ears. A bright white light stabbed at his sensitive eyes as it pooled around the body of a young blond man. Naked, tortured and curled in a foetal position on the cold floor. “Now you see, don’t you Michael. This is my latest toy, he doesn’t have a name, doesn’t deserve one. His partner though, very obedient. I couldn’t kill him, but this one.”

As if on cue, the boy thrashed and moaned, horrific injuries revealed upon his pale flesh.

“This one needed some guidance. Pity, he was such a pretty thing don’t you think?”

Michael could only sit and stare at the wounded man, the bile coming into his throat was swallowed as he gagged and closed his eyes.

“This is your companion, Michael. He is of no use to you now and will die within the next few hours. But I am sure that dying with you will be a better fate than he deserves. Besides it will give you a chance to catalogue the various injuries on his broken body, you can listen to him scream and die slowly. Perhaps it will help you discern your own mortality.” The laugh that followed was cruel and mirthless and gone as quickly as it had come.

~~~oooOOOooo~~~

“I thought the Cow said the boy was alive and kicking,” Bodie snarled as he whipped the Ford Escort out of the Metropolitan Police building.

“He did,” Doyle countered.

“I wonder what the old man constitutes as alive.”

“Well if that’s anything to go by, I guess he means breathing. Forensics will trace some of the material on his body and in a couple of days he should be less traumatized and able to give us a full report.”

“That won’t help the Smurph.” Bodie glowered.

“I know, the Cow should tell Helena at least.”

“Yeah sunshine, the wait would kill me.”

Doyle smiled as Bodie eased up on the accelerator and resumed a more sedate pace. “Me as well. Looks like Illya and Napoleon are getting on better.”

Bodie was silent for a few moments. “Don’t know about that, there is definitely something odd there, but.. " he shrugged,”...at least things are not so strained.”

“I was talking about Illya and Napoleon, not Illya and you,” Doyle said softly, as Bodie flinched.

“I deserved that.”

“Yes, you did. You’ve been a first rate prick of late.”

A dark shadow crossed Bodie’s face as he looked at Doyle sideways. “I know, don’t know why you put up with me.” His voice genuinely contrite.

“Because you stupid prick, I love you. Always have. Now do you want to tell me what really happened with you and Illya.”

“Truth time?” Bodie asked a little fatalistically.

“Think if I’m in for the duration I deserve it, don’t you?”

“Deserve a lot more than me Ray, always will. But since you asked...” Bodie pulled the escort into the car park of the local park less than ten minutes from home and wound down the window.

“‘M listening.” Doyle prompted.

“My meeting Illya at Cambridge was not a chance meeting.” Bodie hung his head the shame evident from the pallor of his skin and the downcast features. “MI5 decided they needed to get at least one malleable double agent in the KGB. The one they had had committed suicide and since I was under a great deal of pressure and suspicion I was asked to do a favour for the old man.”

“Cowley?”

“Major Cowley then and he was overseeing some of the special ops in the division and in order to get me clearance to join the Para’s he seconded me to MI5 for the assignment. It was a straight forward bait and entrapment deal.”

“With you as the bait and Illya as the entrapment,” Doyle offered quietly.

Bodie nodded.

“Hell, Ray, I got into a lot of trouble in Angola, joined some very nasty people in some very nefarious things. Some of it came back to haunt me when I got home.”

Doyle twisted in his seat to watch the play of emotions that flitted across Bodie’s face.

“They picked me up at the airport and threw me in Catterick and left me there to rot.”

“And the charge?” Doyle asked quietly.

“Which one?” Bodie’s smile was rueful.

“The one they used to manipulate you.”

“Ah.” Bodie put his hands on the steering wheel and looked down. “Treason.”

“Where you guilty?”

Bodie shrugged. “I guess, in retrospect. At the time I didn’t see the big picture, didn’t know it. I was eighteen Ray and I was about to shot at dawn and dumped off in the Channel somewhere. I was shit scared.”

“So how did the Cow figure in all of this?”

“Before I left Angola I applied for a posting through my CO. He was an old army man; Ninth Para’s vicious bastard turned merc for money. Mitchell organized small armies all over the world for the right price. He said he had a friend back in England and that, should I want to get out of it, too young and all that shit he’d organize for me to be accepted in the army. Make me respectable.” Bodie laughed.

“And this friend of Mitchell’s was the Cow?”

“Yeah, only he didn’t know of the problems, he was the man in charge of the intake but I never met him till I got my wings. MI5 used me and wanted a dossier of photo’s to use against this young Russian kid as blackmail. Seems that they knew he was destined for big things in the KGB and that if they had him on side now, in years to come.” Bodie spread his hands.

“I get the idea. So did you get the pictures you were after?”

“Yeah I got them. And as soon as Illya was on the plane back to Moscow they disappeared from the office along with the negatives and all the information.” Bodie smiled.

“In return for which you got into the army and Cowley watched the progress of your career and culled you when he needed agents for CI5.”

“Something like that. So now you know.”

“Well, as revelations go it’s about as much as I suspected. You and Illya being in Cambridge at the same time was a bit far-fetched but I also have my suspicions in regards to Illya’s involvement as well.”

Bodie scowled again.

“I was the one who seduced him Ray. He’d never had a lover before me, I don’t see how it could be his fault.”

“Hear me out.” Ray held up a hand to stem the protest. “You said yourself that at first Illya was cold, did not want to know you and was reticent about having friends at all.”

Bodie nodded.

“And then all of a sudden he takes you up on your offer and comes to the bar, waiting just long enough for you to see him before hi-tails it out of there?”

“Obviously you are reading something into this that I am not.”

“Illya was a well-respected student and an asset to the KGB yes?”

“Yes. So?”

“I think perhaps he was given a similar assignment for the same reasons as you were.”

“Yeah I think you’re dreaming, Ray.” Bodie was hostile as he threw open the car door and stalked around the park.

Ray scrunched down in the passenger seat of the car, to a passer by he would have appeared passive, with nothing more in mind than to enjoy the scenery. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Inside he seethed quietly. Reigning in his volatile temper he stepped outside the circle and tried looking at the problem in perspective. He knew that Bodie had problems, problems that were manifesting themselves now, when they could least afford it.

The White Wolf had breached their security; already his mind games were destroying what little they had to work on. Derision and dissension within the rank was becoming the norm. Doyle smiled to himself recognizing the old trick favoured by the KGB and MI5 alike. It was time to put things into perspective, to stop the flow of stupidity that would cost their lives, their partners, and their lovers.

Mostly, he thought about the man outside. It had seemed so much like coming home to find Bodie in his bed, to know after Ann Holly that he was loved and cherished. To be the most important person in someone’s life, to be needed was and still is, awe-inspiring. To see that slipping away because he failed to understand the complex whorls of Bodie’s mind terrified him, to be left alone in the breach would ultimately be fatal.

Solo was bearing up well with the attack on Illya, yet he saw the strain it had taken. The doubt, that seeped through the protective layers of Solo’s personality. The surreptitious looks they came to give each other, looking for signs of stress and strain, looking for the denouncement of what they knew. Scared to be together, unable to die alone. It was a vicious circle. Time for a wake up call. Doyle knew that what he was about to do could spell the end of everything he had come to cherish, and yet now that loss was easier to deal with than the life he had come to live.

He wanted Bodie back, the man he loved. He wanted the blue eyes to sparkle for him again, to be sure of at least one aspect of their lives together, the rest he came to realize would fall into place from there.

Ray got out of the car and approached Bodie, falling into step alongside him.

“’M tired Bodie,” he said as he stuffed his hands down into the pockets of his worn leather jacket.

“I know, I’m sorry Ray.” Bodie reached a hand out to touch the broken and scarred cheek of his partner. Anger and something else flashed in the jade green eyes as he dodged out of reach and continued walking.

“Yes I guess you are, but I can’t compete with that, and honestly I don’t want to have to.”

“Ray please.” Bodie's stricken face wavered in front of Ray, yet still he maintained his composure through sheer force of will.

“No just for once listen to me. If you still love Illya, you should go to him, Bodie; I won’t hold you back. It’s not in my nature to do that. If it’s guilt over what you had to do in order to survive then tell him what you did and get over it. But until you decide who you want to be with and where you want to go, you will have to do it alone.”

Ray surprised himself that he was able to continue without breaking down.

Inside his body trembled, his stomach clenched into the hard icy hand of fear and pain he had once known so well. It was a feeling he knew he could happily live without.

“Ray don’t please.”

“No, Bodie. Don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”

“So what are you saying that you’re going to pack up and move out? That in the middle of an active assignment you’re trading partners, literally?” Bodie’s face contorted into a mask of rage as he stalked towards Doyle.

“I am saying what I have to say Bodie, that you need to decide where you want to be and with whom. This is driving me crazy as well as you, right now I’m not certain we can stay in the same house together let alone do our job properly!”

“You can’t be serious.” Bodie stopped for a moment and took a good look at the firm set jaw and the narrowed eyes.

“Unfortunately I can.” Ray’s resolve weakened for a second as a single tear graced his face. With a furious hand he dashed it away and turned on his heel.

“Ray. Please don’t do this. Please Ray, stop.” Bodie begged.

Doyle stopped and waited for his partner to catch him up. “Look Bodie, just look for a moment. When you wanted to discuss what happened with Ann I told you. It hurt but I told you. I have to pry everything out of you about Illya, about your past. To me that says don’t ask, it’s none of my business.”

“Don’t leave me,” Bodie asked softly, seeing Ray weaken by degrees.

“Alright. I’ll stay but Bodie no more of this. You’re hurting a lot of people not just me.”

“Solo.”

“And Illya and yourself.”

“I know. I love you Ray, please.” Despite his constant reluctance to show emotion outside of the house, Bodie stood in the park, his arms outstretched to his lover and dared anyone to make a comment or find fault. Ray shook his head, the shadow of a smile on his lips as he pressed himself against his partner and was wrapped in solid warm and comforting arms.

“I really am tired Bodie,” Ray said softly as he stepped back out of the embrace.

“Take you home?” Bodie asked softly.

“Yeah.”