Illya nodded, fighting the urge to retch. Just then,
they turned a
corner and came face-to-muzzle with a double-barrelled
shotgun.

"No, gentlemen, I don't think you will." A familiar
voice mocked.>>

Illya looked up at the speaker. Bobby, the Security
man. The traitor. Next to him, holding a large Mauser
pointed at Illya's head, stood their friendly
neighborhood KGB agent. "I see you have your own
blackmail assignment," Illya sniped, implying the big
Russian had slept with Bobby as the KGB man had
instructed Illya to do with Napoleon.  The big man
snarled, his grip tightening on the trigger.

"Not here, Igor!" said Bobby. "We want them in a
compromising position."  Bobby leaned down into
Illya's face.  "Those of us in U.N.C.L.E..." He
glanced at Napoleon, face darkening. "At least, the
majority of us in U.N.C.L.E. want to show Mr. Waverly
what a little commie fag he has on his hands. One who
is busy trying to turn the CEA into a traitor, as
well, by offering up his ass. Once he sees the
pictures we'll make, he'll gladly order your death for
us.

"All you Russian bastards are alike. Lazy,
good-for-nothing fags. The only good commie is a dead
commie, I always say."  He looked to Napoleon. "As for
you, Solo, your career will be over. We'll get rid of
a homosexual double agent and a commie-loving traitor
all at once."

During the entire tirade, Napoleon had split his
attention between Bobby and Igor.  The big Russian's
face had turned stony, his lips drawing into so thin a
line they were almost nonexistent. It appeared Igor
was taking Bobby's assertion that all Communists
should be dead rather personally. A Kuryakin hater was
fine, but what the U.N.C.L.E. Security man was saying
applied to Igor, as well.

Napoleon noted a slight shifting in the position of
the Mauser. It now pointed less at Illya and more at
Bobby. This was an advantage too good to not exploit.
"You've got me all wrong, old man. I'm don't like this
bastard," Napoleon smoothly informed Bobby, hoping
Illya would figure out he was just baiting the man and
didn't mean a word of what he was saying.  "Waverly
ordered me to make nice to him, so I've been doing
that. I was rather hoping one of those assassination
attempts would take him off my hands."  He saw Illya
stiffen. //Please, please understand what I'm doing.//

Bobby looked at Solo with a mixture of disbelief and
delight. "Really?"

"Of course. I agree with you. All Russians are
cocksucking homosexuals."

Bobby laughed. "You are so right, Solo. You are so
right!"  He obviously forgot about the rather large
Russian standing slightly behind him. The one with the
equally large gun. He was abruptly reminded when said
rather large Russian growled. Bobby's face turned
white, realizing his stupid mistake.

---

This page is an unofficial site that exists only for the fun of it. All characters and situations from the television show "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." are property of Norman Felton and Warner Bros. Nothing ill is intended by this use of any television characters in these amateur efforts. Any fiction linked to these pages is the intellectual property of the amateur author who created it and is not presented here for profit.